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My Valentine Day Breakup

My Valentine Day Breakup

The definition of love is “an intense feeling of deep affection”.  Valentine’s Day was yesterday.  Millions of people flocked to the stores to buy gifts for their loved ones to show how much they care and how much they love their significant other.  I had a breakup, yes I said that, a break up on the Valentine’s Day. 

I was in a horrible, toxic and abusive relationship. The relationship was full of hateful, hurtful words.  Every day I constantly heard “you’re not good enough”, “you need to change” “you’re ugly”, “you’re fat”, “you will never be what I want you to be”.  For years, I lived in this relationship, I heard these words every day. I felt defeated, less than, and flawed.   I became depressed, sad, lonely and felt alienated from my friends and family (and I have awesome friends and family). 

After more years than I care to admit, I finally realized yesterday that I needed gain my courage and confidence to break out of this relationship and decided to break up on Valentine’s Day.  I didn’t deserve to hear those things and feel the way I felt.  You may be wondering why I’m telling you this, yes, I’m being vulnerable but I’m sharing this with you because I want you to know this abusive, toxic relationship I had was with myself.  I filled my head full of thoughts, ideas and scenarios I ran through my head a million times.  I told myself I wasn’t good enough, I didn’t deserve the things I wanted in life, I was too much of this and too little of that. 

I came to the realization yesterday, on the day of love that if I’d never stay in a relationship with a partner who told me the things I told myself why in the hell would I continue allowing myself to tolerate the negative self-talk and it was time to tell myself a different story.

This story is about a different kind of love.  A love that many people don’t think about.  It’s about self-love.  Do you have it? Do you need it? Do you tell yourself things you’d never let another person say to you?  If we are willing to invest in others why aren’t we willing to invest in ourselves with the same amount of love and affection? I’d ask you, yes, you,  “do you put the same amount of effort in loving yourself as you do others?” We can’t give to others what we don’t first give our self.  Loving ourselves in the key to everything, like Gandhi says “Where there is love, there is life”

In health, happiness and love

Pam